Found an earring, in his car

The other day we were in Jay’s Jeep, all four of us driving to Tristen’s soccer game. As I was arranging the 20 bags in front of me, to get some kind of leg room, I noticed a silver, diamond fake ring. One of those cheap rings they sell in those teen stores. I casually handed ‘it’ to Jay and was like, ‘you may want to give that back to her, think she lost it.’

He looked at the ring and I couldn’t quite tell if his expression was one of ‘shit, busted’ or ‘what is that and where did it come from?’

He fumbled an answer about our old Au Pair (who left us and this country, end of July) having girls in his car and that one of them left it there. I just smiled and was like, ‘yup’ but really, after 3 months and countless times being in his car, I just found this cheap piece of shit on the floor, now?

Now, a few things about this situation bothered me.

# 1: How did I not know how to read his expression? After all these years? OK, I get it, I was busy doing something else, I am no longer married to him, but still – the fact that I couldn’t quite figure out his reaction, annoyed me.

# 2 Wait, what was I feeling here? Anger? A bit. But it was something else. I was a bit sad, kind of like you’re sad at a funeral – like it’s a death of sorts- and you know it’s final. I know I felt this way when we were divorcing, but shouldn’t I be over that feeling by now? There was another feeling too – one of competition. Like hold up: you ae having sex and meeting people and may possibly be happy with another person BEFORE ME?

And that’s all I was thinking about the whole ride up to T’s game –that whole hour. It was a nice ride.